I guess I might be considered a late “bloomer” in the gay world when it comes to sex. But behold my second sexual awakening! Yes, I might not be having as much sex as an Asian gay twink at RAGE on a Friday night, but when I do decide to have sex apparently it’s magic.
Let’s call him the British Samurai (BS), he’s nerdy, kinda cute and an alcoholic. See I have a weakness for nerdy guys, boom my boxer briefs are gone! I first met the British Samurai at my friends 4th of July summer party. Where I didn’t pay much attention because I was into a guy who just couldn’t love me back but craved my attention. After a few drinks BS strikes a conversation and starts blabbing about how he loves scotch and Mad Men. And all I could think of was Jon Hamm’s ham! (you know what I’m talking about). Everyone gets a bit intoxicated and fun/crazy; I walk into two partnered guys going at it in the garage. Drama breaks out a gay nerd gets punched and the police is called. I find refuge in my friends room where people just want to be drama free and the conversation turned into politics and gay rights. An hour later I find myself caressing BS chest and smiling like an idiot.
The next time I see the British Samurai again is at another BBQ party. I spent most of my time talking to him and flirting like a high school girl. Towards the end of the party he invites me to his place for some good scotch, I said sure not wanting to sound desperate. We arrive at this Japanese american house, where he shows me all his nerdy stuff and his old black and white movie collection. We pop in a movie and start the festivities, we kiss and kiss and boom we are naked. I was a bit nervous being on a dry spell for a long time, maybe I was a bit rusty. Turns out I was amazing, because I was getting fantastic reviews from BS. The Oh my gods, you’re amazing, you’re so good, I love your body kept coming every 5 seconds. It was actually really annoying not being able to concentrate, I felt like I was watching a really bad porn movie. Oh and in the middle of having sex he said we couldn’t be too loud because his parents were next door. All my desire to keep going just died after that sentence; All I was thinking was that his dad was going to slide the Japanese door and find his only male son having sex with another guy. Things went downhill after that, it got really creepy when he was on top of me and just wanted to look at my face. It got so awkward I pretended I was a having a drink at a bar in my head. The cherry on top was that he couldn’t come and I was tired of feeling like a dead fish on his bed, so I just decided to call it quits and sleep. The next morning he woke me up saying I had to leave before his dad got up, I look at my phone and it was 6 in the fucken morning. I gather my stuff and my dignity and leave wanting an alcoholic beverage that would make me forget the previous night. I walked down the street to the Starbucks that was open for a vanilla latte that would actually satisfy my needs. Who would’ve known that coffee would be better than dick? (Oh and for the record I’m vers)
Posted in Blogging, Friends, funny, gay, Humor, Uncategorized
Tagged Coffee, Drunk, Funny, Gay, Gay Life, Humor, Mad Men, My Life, Party, sex, Starbucks, WeHo, West Hollywood
It’s true Dick killed diet coke for me; not that I was an avid fan of if. But let me just say this, Why do some straight or “straight” guys think it’s ok to show their genitalia to their gay friends? Or maybe it’s just my “straight” coworkers. Like the amazing Latrice Royale would say “Get those nuts away from my face”
Remember Gay for pay Fabio? (https://adventuresofabrownkid.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/gay-for-pay-fabio/ ) Yup, it was his penis that killed diet coke for me. As one of the young openly gay guys at work all the guys are really comfortable with me but none other than Gay for pay Fabio. Yes, he’s physically good looking with a super fit body and a vanity that would put most gays to shame. I still think deep down he’s GAY!! He’s always coming up to me flirting and saying that I want him. (Honey boo child, If I wanted you I would’ve had you long time ago) It was a slow day in the restaurant and Fabio comes over to my station where he starts showing me his body improvements, since he goes to the gym 7 days a week. I thought it was weird when he opens an app with a picture of a vault with a password. First picture was of him at the gym, then shirtless photo, full blown nude picture, a close up of his dick, another close up of his dick from a different angle and finally a picture of his dick next to a can of DIET COKE! You know that feeling when you see something disturbing that you can’t look away.. Yeah, I was having that feeling right there and then. He just laughed and waited for my reaction, I walked away in silent. Then he asked me what they I thought of it. To which I responded “What do you want to hear, it’s pretty? OMG it’s big? It’s small?” I knew what response he wanted but I was not about to give him that satisfaction of that answer. Fabio has old and middle age male customers around his finger, who bring him gifts, who stop by weekly and are infatuated with him. Sorry, but he’s not my type and I hate people who use people for money. Youth and good looks don’t last forever folks, but to each his own.
Posted in Blogging, Friends, funny, gay, Humor, Uncategorized, work
Tagged dark humor, Funny, Gay, Humor, in the closet, lol, men, penis, sex, Straight, work
Dance to the sad melody
Dance to be rid of your sorrows
Dance to get free
In the corner of regret and happiness
I sat down remembering of better days
Waiting for your shadow to appear.
With a dirty mind and a heart of gold
You left me wanting more
Shame on you for making me feel that way
You turned me on with a bourbon kiss
And woke up to the ice cold loneliness.
Shame on me for falling that way
I prayed a thousand times just to
see you again.
I made a thousand altars to
make you mine
Shame on me for wanting you that much
Shame, shame, shame but
I have to find somebody that loves… me
Posted in Blogging, Inspiration, Music, Poetry
Tagged Alcohol, Blues, broken heart, hate, inspiration, life, Love, Music, poem, Poetry, relationships, song, Soul
I need a new job and change of scene. (insert midlife crisis) I used to love coming to my job and working with my team; now I just want to kill them. Everyone is bitchy and rude. They adapted the mentality of help me but fuck you. What happened to teamwork? It’s all gone to shit, specially with the new general manager the company hired. He’s like an awkward oversize man child who spits out “BRAH” on every sentence to make it funny. Two days ago I got lecture by him for coming in late and after the lecture he gave me a Blood Orange Tamarindo Margarita recipe… How can I take him seriously when he calls himself the king of making drinks? Last time I check we don’t sell cocktails at work. Are we being Punk’d by the big managers of our company?
Maybe I should give Retail a second chance? After all I was a good salesman, I was number 3 in the store after 5 months with Banana Republic. I would like to work for a high end store, maybe somewhere in Beverly Hills minus the bitchy attitude most of the gay clerks have. I would love to work at the Alexander McQueen store on Melrose, that would be amazing! But really anything would do right now. Hopefully by spring I will have a better job.
The Music industry would be another scene I would love to work in. I have the ear for discovering new artist and I love going to live music shows. I love getting the goosebumps when I find a song or artist that my ears love. I started listening to artist that were getting big in the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Sweden that had not made it to the US yet. For example: The XX, Lana del Rey, Lykke Li, Kimbra (way before “Somebody that I used to know”) Alt-J… I would find something online from them and then I would have to wait months or even years for their US cd release. (YAY for the internet!!) And I’m happy to say that I’ve seen all of these artist when they first played here in LA.
I’m going to start doing some research and who knows maybe by spring I’ll have a bitchin’ new job! Oh a possible road trip to New York in the spring by the way…
Posted in Alt-J, Blogging, funny, gay, Humor, Music, work
Tagged 25, Alt-J, entertainment, Funny, I feel old, I hate my job, Kimbra, Lana del Rey, Midlife, Midlife Crisis, Music, The XX, work
Motel Queen your lipstick is fading
like your childhood dreams
Prince charming leaves when
the hour has gone
You drink to
One for the love,
two for the pain
and three to fall again
Motel Queen love only comes in doses
of Benjamins and Grants
Motel Queen sitting in your
King size bed pondering
on how the day will end
Will you be famous?
Will you be sad?
Will you join the 27 club?
Posted in Blogging, Inspiration, Music, Poetry, Uncategorized
Tagged Alcohol, beauty, benjamins, childhood dreams, Dark, lipstick, lyrics, money, Motel, pain, poem, Poetry, Queen, Sadness, song
I’ve meant to write this after my boss left but something told me it wasn’t the right time. I had suspicions about certain things and people. Let’s just say things have a way of unfolding naturally.
The Masquerade ball is about to end and the last musical notes are fading, the guest start to reveal their identities. Did you dance with the enemy? Let’s just say in my case I’ve been doing it all along. When my boss announced that she was leaving the company, I knew instantly that people were going to change and backstabbing would be imminent. I don’t want to seen as a bitter person or a hater. I get along with everyone because I feel that everyone deserves a chance; but once you mess with me I’m not going to back down. Recently I found out that one of my “Supervisors” tried to kick me out of the tea service that I work in. See this didn’t come to a surprise to me because I knew this person didn’t like me the minute I started working there.
Let’s call him Ursula, you know the villain from Little Mermaid because he reminds me of her. (and No I’m not The Little Mermaid in the story) See Ursula is very sneaky but dumb, I knew his game the minute he decided to fuck with me. On my first day of work I met Ursula and he had the audacity to look me up from head to toe and give me the stink eye that no one saw but me. See it’s a power us gay posses; so in my head I was like “I love you too bestie” I know being the new guy you get a lot of shit on you but little did I know he was giving me extra work. All I could do was smile and say “Sure, no problem” while the rest would just sit back and relax. And guess who was the first person to go home when it was super slow? Yup, yours truly. Ursula would always blame a manager or another supervisor for sending me home until one day I caught him on a lie (one of many, and when I say many I mean tons of them) “Oh “BLEEP” Ciara said you could go home early since it’s slow” I was clocking out when my old manager Ciara asked me what I was doing. I said I was going home because she sent me home, but to her surprise she never gave that order. From then on I knew I could never trust his word. He tried to sent me home again with the excuse of using the manger said you could go home early again. This time I casually asked Ciara if she was sending people home early, which she replied to no. So I continued working as usual, until Ursula tried to talked me down in front of the whole staff. “BLEEP” ,you were supposed to go home 30 minutes ago, Ciara said so” This was my opportunity to stand up for myself. So I told him that Ciara never said such a thing and if it was his decision to send me home early to own up to his word and not use other people to execute tasks. My co-workers couldn’t believe what was going on, Ursula’s face was red and he started stuttering not making any sense; so I decided to leave and clock out. Next morning I wasn’t sitting by myself during lunch time anymore; everyone wanted to be my friend. See I don’t mind going home when I know business is slow, after all you are running a business but you have to give Context of why you are sending someone home.
I’ve been a supervisor on my past two jobs, and I’ve learned how to manage people and run a business. If you don’t stand by your words and use other people to execute tasks, people will find out and you won’t be respected. In the process you will denied your employees a learning opportunity. Ursula tried to secure his spot to become or be next in line for the manager position when my current boss left the company; sneaking in his stupid comments that made no sense during our morning meetings. Tried to smart talk to our big boss Edward but failed miserably because Edward being gay too said “Oh no honey, You don’t tell me what to do when I made the rules” after all he is the big boss. On Saturday the big boss Edward gather all of us for a small quick meeting saying he had something important to tell us. Ursula was all excited, he sat front and center for the big news thinking he was going to stand up and give a thank you speech. Wrong! Second in command went to Edwin our other supervisor. Everyone cheered happily thanking god the position didn’t go to Ursula. Only a few people truly know Ursula’s true face, so during the announcement we looked at each other and then looked at Ursula’s who was fake clapping.
Like said before I’m not a bitter person or a hater, I could’ve easily gone to a manager and ratted him out; but that’s not me. I’m there to do my job not create problems for my co-workers, just don’t fuck with me.
Posted in Blogging, gay, Humor, work
Tagged Boss, dark humor, Don't fuck with me, Fuck, Funny, Gay, Humor, masquerade ball, Stand up for yourself, stink eye, Ursula, work